Friday, July 13, 2018

Yes, Ministered

Sir Humphrey and the Brexit white paper

Bernard - How did the Chequers meeting go, Sir Humphrey?

H – Oh, excellent Bernard, excellent.

B - How do you mean, excellent, Sir Humphrey? I thought it was rather acrimonious, with all that talk about polishing turds.

H – Oh don't mind that Bernard. Let me tell you that before this meeting the cabinet was evenly balanced 13 : 7 in favour of Remain, and now that the Prime Minister made our plans for leaving the EU clear, it's even more in favour of Remain.

B – I don't understand, Sir Humphrey – you're saying that now Mrs May has published her plans to leave the EU, the remainers in the Cabinet are stronger?

H- Well, yes, of course there's the practical fact that we've added another minister for the chief offices of state that's Remain, and also the fact that we publicly humiliated two of the most prominent leavers, but it's mainly a question of trust.

B- Trust, Sir Humphrey?

H- Yes, trust, Bernard. You see, before now the majority in the cabinet, while being opposed to leaving the EU, weren't really sure that Theresa May agreed with them. Now they hear just what she proposes to mean by 'leaving the EU' she's convinced them that when she says leave, she really means 'remain'. Now that they've worked that one out they've finally decoded all her communications and now they know what a reliable public liar she is they're finally able to trust her. Think of the relief Bernard! And with relief comes unity, and with unity will come the strength to fulfil their historic task to leave the EU because Brexit finally really means Brexit!

B- Wait, wait, I get it, so you mean they are committed to fulfilling their historic task to... leave, which means... remain.

H – Precisely Bernard, well done you, but may I say, not too humbly perhaps, well done all of us!

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